The air is chill here in mountains of Tennessee. I wake up every morning to fog rolling over the mountain and steaming coffee and an almost three year old telling me she's cold and asking if it's time to get up (from her room, at the top of her lungs). This past year has been one that has held a lot of change and a lot of learning and several tears. As an individual I've been given some amazing experiences, and looking back I feel like this year has been a high point for me. On the other hand, this is real life, and it's gritty and messy and the two's have certainly been terrible. Being a mother has revealed parts of me that I never knew existed. I thought I was strong, and patient, and loving and caring, but one little two year old in the middle of a 30 minute meltdown can that bring that shit STRAIGHT DOWN. If you didn't know, raising a tiny human into adulthood is one of the most nerve wracking tasks I've ever encountered. I can't help but look at myself half the time and think "good grief I'm a mess. She's probably going end up in counseling (disclaimer: nothing against counseling here. I've had my fair share) and spend her life fixing her relationship with her mom and dad." I know I'm probably replaying the reel that most of the moms on the planet watch in their head at least once a day, but hey, we're being honest here. In the same moment though, I can't help but remember that my daughter is the most amazing thing I've ever seen and this year has been incredibly watch her spread her wings, and reach for the stars. She's a wild wind who knows exactly where she wants to go and I can't help but be so proud (after we talk for 30 minutes about the fact that no matter how much she wants to go on a walk by herself, she's only Two. And even if she CAN climb the fence already it doesn't mean that she should). I guess I'm learning to live with and love my failings as a part of the beating human heart, and beginning to try to do the same for her too.
Also, I took the plunge and had my hair dyed again. What do you guys think? (please just don't tell me that I'm not nearly as cool as Jane Aldridge. I already know, ok?)